Job Loss, The Fight for Time, and the Parent That Games

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Once more, I sit down to dust the cobwebs off of this site. To check into it and see what it could have been, what I could have done with it, where it could have gone, (Protip: Nowhere). That’s the self deprecating cynic in me. The low self esteemed prowess of mine; I’ve gone down this road before. I’m not here for this. I’m here to just write. Maybe for me. Maybe for you? I don’t know.

What I do know is that the last two and a half years have been one hell of a ride for me, and for the rest of the people who have been involved with this site in any way shape or form. Thankfully, all mainly good things! Some not so much. I won’t focus on them so much, as I’m not one to talk about other people without their blessing, and I’m also not one to be a nosy neighbor and gab about shit that isn’t my problem. I’m here today for me.

My life has changed. Drastically. For the better, mind you. You see, over two years ago, right after I had bought a home with my wife, I was let go from a job I devoted to for 12 years of my life, from the moment I graduated high school. A job that – while I have all of the contempt in the world for it – still won’t name in public just for the fact that I still respect for the few people who work there that I know and don’t want to muddy their relationship with my once employer in case it gets back to them for some reason. Not that I think I’m big at all for that to matter, mind you, but I know corporations and their human resources are there to protect the company, and not the human involved in the position of labor.

I digress: I was let go, and was reinvigorated to restart this site. A side project love of my life that also began in high school. Tried bringing people back and hit it hard. And it was a good start! And then I found another job – almost immediately. Things looked promising! I could keep this up, while working my job to keep this roof over our heads! Great! Then scheduling changed, and I started losing track of time. Losing track of time for this, for me, for my wife, for my friends. My time management went out the window, and I felt like it all relied on me.

And it did. I’m the only one that knows the inner workings of this site. The only one with graphic design. Web design. I could teach things to Marcos – and I did – but finding the time for that has always been so difficult since he lives across the country, both of us with our own day jobs and extremely conflicting schedules. He could only do so much. Not blaming him, but that obviously causes a disconnect if the guy you rely on to run the joint is also MIA, so I understand why he and the rest of the friends surrounding this place floated away without a second thought.

We did our last podcast, our last unboxing, and that was that. Into obscurity once again for my baby. Not the first time, probably won’t be the last. Skip ahead and I do another job change, one where my schedule isn’t so frantic but my paychecks aren’t guaranteed. However, I have time. Oh so much time! Immediately I thought about how I could bring the site back. Maybe bring the guys back on board! … But they’re so happy and so in tune with their lives again that I feel super guilty to rope them back into this mess. Maybe they’ll read this; I know it’s cliche, but it’s not them, it’s totally me with this site. So I’ll go at it alone!

Surprise! Now I have a kid, so that idea’s gone on the wayside. The newest love of my life, and I love him dearly. Only a few months in, and man, it really is something different. Amazingly different. With this, gaming’s gone even further to the wayside, and even more I’m sure as he grows and starts actually using words and his feet and his arms to pull me away. Now I have to be not just a responsible a adult, but a responsible parent. Until that happens, my gaming is done with him on my lap or me rocking him whilst I play do-nothing games like Rocket League and Mario Kart 8 Deluxe.

Don’t get me wrong, I can still do things like The Last Guardian and LoTZ: Breath of the Wild, but pick-up-and-drop on a whim they’re not. You get enthralled. You get sucked in. And it’s so hard to stop. I’ve still got Uncharted 4 to play. Hell, I still have Rise of the Tomb Raider to sink my teeth into – and that was before he was born!

However, these few months, I’ve already made minor sacrifices for his stead. Very minor, mind you, to where I know a lot of people wouldn’t use the word “sacrifice”, but a complete over turn in my lifestyle for over 30 years where I’m forced to forgo certain things, i.e; sleep, hot food, and my own personal time, it’s a personal sacrifice.

With that realization, it’s put me into a much better perspective for my other baby; this site. With all the time in the world I have available at my day job, and with how comfortable I’m in it now, one year later, I’m sure I could do… SOMEthing. The question is what. I’d love to keep doing podcasts, but I’d record and edit that thing myself, and good lord they are time consuming, at least to that level of editing that I hold myself to. I could do it raw, but nobody wants to listen to my dumbass go “uhm” and “uh” and stumble across simple words just because my mouth moves faster than what my brain can put together.

I could vlog, but it’s the same mess as above, and plus people would have to put up with looking at my ugly mug. To top it off, YouTube is a dying breed for young up and comers to come in and make it big, let alone even make a living off of it, so that ship has sailed. Also, I’m out of the gaming industry – now I keep up on it just like the rest of you guys do! No longer do I get heads up on certain things nor can I give you insight on how certain things work.

Before you ask – no, I still won’t say where, and yes, it technically is part of the industry. Specialty retailer that is strictly gaming related, or at least, it used to be. Either way, while it was minor, it still gave me plenty of insight.

So that’s gone. If I return to this, I can go into just opinion pieces. I’d be the poor man’s Jim Sterling, the off brand Jeff Gertsmann. The clearance Adam Sessler. And even then that’s giving me way too much credit to even think that I could put myself up there, because hahaha, no. But I’m sure you get what I’m saying – why the fuck would you listen to me when you have much better input out there?

I could go back to the webcomics, but unlike the year 2000, the internet is littered with even more webcomics related to gaming that it’s a fight to even get noticed. Unlike Scott over at VGCats, I can’t post once or twice a month and still somehow remain extremely relevant. Again, talent versus amateur hour over here, but you get my drift.

Yet whenever I say anything out there, people keep wanting to hear more. They keep saying I should say things on my mind.

Maybe that’s what I’ll do. I dunno. Maybe? I might just wipe the slate clean and drop the “e-diots” moniker. People still don’t get it to this day. Who freakin’ knows. I guess I’ll have to see.

Anyway, thanks for making it this far. If you still use RSS feeds, thanks for looking at this. If you came from Facebook or Twitter, thanks for still paying attention to the alert. Let me know, if you could – if you care – by tagging me on Twitter @LuRamrod. HashTag? Do we really need one? I’unno, #WhatNowLu? Yeah, we’ll go with that.

Catch you around, interwebs.

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