Daddy likes a beating
March 28th, 2010 |Neither Marcos or I have beaten Mega Man 10, and for good fucking reason. Granted, I’ve heard from many that it’s “not as hard as 9″ and that Capcom made it easier because people whined too much about Mega Man 9′s difficulty, however, this does not stop this game from being harder then all hell itself. I beat 9, and it took me a week. I died a lot. I really do think I cried – I can’t remember; those are harsh memories I’m trying to forget. Either way, after beating 9, it was a culmination of joy and rage, as I do believe I even smack talked to the game itself, which unfortunately my poor TV got the brunt force of it all. As for 10, the lack of time currently in my hands has denied me my enjoyment of this game, what with other games, such as God of War III, having gotten in the way. Needless to say, that time will be soon, seeing as I destroyed that game last Sunday.
May I just say that Sony Santa Monica studios totally had me wet the entire time I was playing this game. So wet, that it put my new found love, Bayonetta, to shame, as she has no hanging phallus nor scrotum, the exact prerequisite to normally get a man wet, let alone myself. Kratos, that manly bastard, I love him so. He pulverizes ancient Greek mythological gods and he does it for me. Oh, so dashing, he is. The only thing keeping him from perfect is for him to deliver the heap of dead, bloodied god flesh in a pile of Hershey’s Kisses and a single rose between his teeth, for me.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I loved God of War III that much, and I want Kratos’ babies. That game was fan-fucking-tastic, so much so that the game literally had me at the edge of my seat during those spectacular moments of dishing out the proverbial ass kicking, screaming, and rooting, for Kratos to kick their ass. I admit, it was a little shameful, but I do not regret any indulgence for blood during my playing through this game. I felt Kratos’ pain, I felt his anger, and I wanted to help him through his quest. I was his guide, and he was my hands… tied with blades. In the end, it all worked out, and the series closed out in epic proportions that – while I saw it coming – I never thought I’d see it all, in-game, being pulled off. To that, I tip my hat to you, team at Santa Monica studios.
In other news, it’s the fucking 3DS, ladies and gentlemen, and may I be one of the many who would like to ask, why? Am I getting old? I’m only in my mid-fucking twenties, and I love gobbling up new technology. I’m a gamer first, and a technophile second, but this? This is too much. I don’t give a flying fuck for this crazy 3D movement everyone seems to be falling in love with. It’s a god damned novelty, is what it is, for some pretty nifty effects that you would normally only get at theaters. Avatar was amazing in 3D and most definitely added to the quality in immersing the viewer – the audience – into this crazy fantasy world of blue-cat-people. Not only that, but it was done well, without cheap shots and “LOOK WHAT I CAN DO IN 3D” moments , (first 30 seconds), in the film, (though the link is an exception, I mean… it’s what they do). Now we have, not just the movie industry trying to shove this down our throats through our very own tvs, but the gaming industry jumping aboard!
Really? Is our own 3D spectrum not good enough? Now I need to reach for some stupid glasses every time I blow someone up in Gears of War so I can properly see chunks of meat flying at me? Yes, I realize that the 3Ds may apparently be a layered screen so as to making the glasses a thing of the past – oh, the irony – but I still stand by the fact of me not caring! It’s not important, and I really think the industry should worry itself on how to make better games and raise their bar not just technologically but artistically and gameplay-wise, rather than waste their time on trying to figure out how I can enjoy Imagine: Pole Dancer in 3D.
F’eh. It’s alright. Capcom will keep feeding me my old school just fine. How can I not put my trust in them? Especially when they delivered this beautiful piece of artwork for the Mega Man 10 “cover-art”.






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